I’d like to introduce you to Egor. He is the little demon who lives in my head. I’m willing to bet he probably spends a fair amount of time in your head, too. His hobbies include: criticizing, complaining; inspiring negativity, pettiness and jealousy; and, crushing delicate new ideas before they’ve had a chance to sprout and blossom. Meaner than mean. Nastier than nasty. Egor will ruin your life, if you let him…
Sometimes I don’t hear from Egor for a while and I think he’s found a new place to live. But it turns out that he was just napping. And when hen he wakes up and rears his ugly head, oh man, is he harsh. Maybe your Egor is similar to mine. He might say things like:
Who is this Egor and what does he want?
My wife and I were out enjoying an autumn morning walk yesterday. We were talking about one of my projects, and I fell into a temporary stupor of negativity, whining about why I couldn’t do something I wanted to do. My wife said, “Ah, looks like your ego is taking hold again.” I then smiled, realizing it wasn’t “me” who was feeling inferior. It was just the voice of my ego.
Having a degree in psychology, I’d long been familiar with the term “ego,” but more in a Freudian id, ego, super-ego sense (according to Dr. Sigmund “Tell Me About Your Mother” Freud, these are the three main components of the human psyche). But it wasn’t until I discovered the book The Power of Now ten years ago by a then-unknown author, Eckhart Tolle, that the term took on a powerful new meaning.
EGOR = EGO = UNCONSCIOUSNESS
In A New Earth, Tolle’s follow-up to The Power of Now, he says:
“Whenever you notice that voice, you will also realize that you are not the voice, but the one who is aware of the voice. The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly speaking no longer the ego, but just an old, conditioned mind-pattern. Ego implies unawareness [emphasis added]. Every time it is recognized, it is weakened.”
Most people hear some kind of a voice in your head. For some, it comes and goes. But for others (most), it’s incessant. Here’s what you need to know about that nagging voice: it isn’t you. You are not the voice in your head. It is that of Egor the Ego. You are not him. He is not you.
Perhaps you’re thinking, “What voice? I’m not some schizoid-nutball like you with voices in my head!” But the thing is, that voice making the angry denial is the voice in your head.
When I first encountered this new idea in The Power of Now, I thought to myself, “Of course I’m the voice in my head! Who else would I be?!” But then, I had one of those glorious “Ah-Ha!” moments. It suddenly dawned on me: If I really am the voice, the thinker – then who is listening to the voice and watching the thinker?
The watcher. The real Me. And the real you.
Compulsive thinking run amuck
That voice almost seems to have a life of its own. Tolle says, “Most people are so completely identified with the voice in the head – the incessant stream of involuntary and compulsive thinking and the emotions that accompany it – that we may describe them as being possessed by their mind.”
This egoic false self fueled by an addiction to compulsive thinking has other names. Albert Einstein referred to it as “an optical illusion of consciousness.” Tolle sometimes refers to it as the “unobserved thinker.” The ego isn’t right or wrong, good or bad. It is simply an unconscious and dysfunctional identification with thought.
It sounds bizarre. Most people I talk to have difficulty with the concept, which is why I don’t bring it up in social settings unless I hope not to be invited back. Maybe they don’t want to get it. It’s scary at first. The sudden realization that you are not who you thought you were your whole life can be overwhelming. But with that, comes the realization that you are actually so much more.
What’s important to know is that the ego thrives on things like fear and greed – anything with emotional attachments that can take you out of the present moment. When you are present, you are conscious. When you are worried about the past or the future, you are unconscious, and under the influence and control of Egor.
Awareness is the key
If you are interested in exploring this further, I recommend you first read The Power of Now and/or A New Earth. I cannot do them justice in a short article here. Check with your local library if you don’t want to buy them. And once you’ve read at least one of them, check out the free Oprah/Eckhart teleseminars. While I admit, there is a certain snooze factor to the videos, there is much to be learned – if you can stay awake long enough.
My goal isn’t to try and convince you that your current way of looking at yourself and how you fit in the world is wrong, and I am right. I just want you to know that maybe, just maybe, there’s something important you’ve been missing all along. Something that can permanently free you from the chains of negativity, hopelessness and despair that bind so many people.
And here’s the best part: it’s free. You don’t have to sell all your belongings and donate everything to some new age church. You don’t have to buy an expensive course, go back to school or even abandon your faith. You just need to open your mind to the possibility that you are not your thoughts. And then watch what happens. Just being aware that there is a separateness from your thoughts is all it takes. For me, this new awareness helped bring about peace of mind and a better way of life.
The secret to silencing Egor is simple: You don’t fight him. Just stay in the moment. Be aware, and be here, now. That’s it.
So back to that walk with my wife…
Once I became aware that the self-sabotaging voice wasn’t me, I felt a sudden burden had been lifted. The pressure and negativity were gone. I was back in the moment. As soon as I realized my concerns were nothing but a messy cocktail of fear and regret, peace returned and I was able to focus and get back to work.
So, we decided to name our ego. This way, when it starts taking over, when we start fretting about things that happened, or worrying about events we have yet to experience, we can say, “Oh, no worries. It’s just Egor.”
And then he just fades away…
