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perspective

Post image for Life’s adventures and the rewards of discomfort

“If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.”

- C. S. Lewis

I like my bed. Although it’s nearly fourteen years old, it is still quite comfortable. I sleep well. And the chair in which I now sit behind my desk, with all it’s clever adjustments and levers, is also comfortable. It allows me to focus on work instead of the lower back pain I experienced in my previous chair.

I like this definition of comfort: A state of ease and satisfaction of bodily wants, with freedom from pain and anxiety. Ah yes… “freedom from pain.” That driving force behind most of our unconsciously made decisions, and one of the two things we all really want in life.

But what about the flip side? The absence of comfort can lead to more than just calluses and achy muscles. It builds character, and both inner and outer strength. You know the drill. [Cliché alert!] No pain, no gain. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

However, it’s more than that. The pursuit of a comfortable existence prevents us from experiencing the things that make life worth living. By spending all our time trying to avoid heartache, disappointment and discomfort, we miss out on the really good stuff.

Here’s an example…

After years of debating, my wife and I finally purchased a small Class B camper in 2008, a RoadTrek Adventurous. If you’re not into the RV scene, a Class B gives you best of both worlds. It offers most of the basic features and benefits you get with the bigger rigs, but it drives and can be parked like a minivan – and gets 20MPG. It’s got a turbo diesel Mercedes engine, bathroom, shower, full kitchen, HDTV, sleeps four. The ultimate road trip machine.

But we almost didn’t buy it – because of a fear of being uncomfortable:

  1. We knew it would be expensive to own (discomfort).
  2. Since two adults and two growing boys with all their stuff tend to fill up small spaces quickly, we knew we might feel a bit cramped in there (discomfort).
  3. And since none of us had ever gone camping before, we knew it was quite a leap. What if we couldn’t handle the extra expense, the countless hours of driving, the mosquito bites and bee stings, the hunt for available campsites, and dealing with the odd, seemingly orphaned campground children who always want to tour your vehicle as soon as you pull in? (discomfort)

If you’re not at least a little uncomfortable, it’s not really an adventure. So despite all our feared discomfort, we took the plunge anyway. And despite our actual experienced discomfort, we love our little RV, and all the adventures it has allowed us to take together. Last year alone, it enabled us to explore and camp in Florida, Virgina Beach, Martha’s Vineyard, Cape Cod, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Bar Harbor, Maine.

2009… What a year. And it was all possible because we didn’t run and hide from anticipated discomfort. (OK, I admit, it also helps having an internet business I can run from the beach, campgrounds, I-95 rest stops, Walt Disney World, etc…)

Only by risking to be uncomfortable will you be able to enjoy the best of what life has to offer. Whether it’s taking a backpacking trip across Europe, starting a new business, or having a baby – the good stuff always goes hand in hand with a touch (or more) of inherent discomfort. So don’t let that stop you from doing what you want to do.

It’s not too late to make it a New Year’s resolution for 2010 to break out of your comfort zone. Because if you’re not at least a little uncomfortable, life really isn’t much of an adventure. Invite a little discomfort into your life, and watch what happens. You just might be pleasantly surprised.

“Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.”

- Brian Tracy

RoadTrek Adventurous

The RoadTrek Adventurous - Our Family Adventure Mobile

Post image for You won the lottery (you just didn’t know it)…

Hey… you know, you really shouldn’t be here.

Think about everything that had to happen – exactly as it happened – in order for you to be alive, sitting here reading this right now. Even though I only got a C+ in Stats 101, I’m pretty sure that statistically speaking, the probability that you and I would come together here today is highly unlikely.

Go back in time 100 or 1,000 or 1,000,000 years, and try to imagine the unimaginable – the countless billions (trillions? quadrillions? frillions?) of events that had to occur exactly as they did so that you could be here right now. One missed traffic light. An extra minute on the phone. A left instead of a right. Everything changes.

Drunks shouldn’t swim

A young woman has plans to take a bus and meet some friends down by the river on a hot summer day. But something comes up last minute, and she cannot go. She bumps into her sister on the way out the door, and offers her the ticket and the chance to have a little fun. The sister declines at first, but then suddenly changes her mind, saying, “Ah, why not?” Later that afternoon, she meets a nice young man.

A few months later, they marry. The following year, they have twins – a boy and girl. Neither survive past age two. But a few years later, they have another baby boy. And he grows up to be my father.

A man heads home on a Friday evening after a long day’s work. He runs into an old friend who invites him to have a drink at the local gin mill. One drink becomes two, three, four… Hours later, the drunken man thinks it a good idea to go for a midnight swim in the swelling river despite the approaching storm – like only a drunken man would. The man is not a good swimmer. His lifeless body is fished out of the water the following day.

His widow is left behind to struggle for survival. She raises four children alone. Among them, a two-year old girl who would someday grow up to become my mother.

Winning the Cosmic Lottery

The people who came before us suffered and sacrificed. They got just lucky enough and endured just long enough so that chance could work its magic and we could join in the game for a short while.

The world is far from perfect, but I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be right now. Cheap, readily available vaccines and antibiotics now prevent and cure illnesses that would have killed you just 50 years ago. Sending a message to loved ones cross-country used to take months, while video teleconferencing now brings people together instantly. Traveling between Europe and America once took weeks, and you’d be fortunate to survive the trip. It now takes just a few hours (but the food is still awful).

I feel freakishly lucky to be here now, enjoying the ride. And every time I hear my children laugh, I am reminded of this. The next time you’re feeling down about yourself, about life, remember this:

The fact that you’re here right now is nothing short of a miracle.

The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very badly. Wars, disease, asteroids, grizzly bears – so many things can go wrong. But so many things had to go right, and did go right for us to be here right now.

Yes, things don’t always go as planned. So what? Pick up the pieces, learn from your mistakes and move forward. You are here and it is now. All the rest is fluffery. So, the next time you catch yourself complaining, stop, and give thanks for having won the cosmic lottery.

But whatever you do, just don’t waste this amazing gift…

Post image for Here’s what you <em>really</em> want – whether you know it or not…

I know what you really want.

Do you?

While most won’t admit it, we’re really nothing more than a bunch of Homer Simpsons running around in relentless pursuit of donoughts and beer, in the hopes that we can:

  1. Avoid pain, and;
  2. Experience pleasure.

And if we are experiencing pain, or a lack of pleasure, we want to change the way we feel, so that we can feel good. And we want to feel good… NOW.

    Unfortunately, most of us go about our lives in non-thinking auto-pilot mode, not aware of this unwritten law of human nature responsible for just about everything we do. And this unconscious desire to feel good has a tendency to get us into trouble, frequently manifesting itself through impulsive and self-destructive behavior.

    Some people, however, are fortunate to have learned the value of delayed gratification. A child who is encouraged to put aside a portion of his allowance each week in order to buy a much desired bicycle will experience short-term pain (e.g., not being able to buy a pack of baseball cards every week). But he will soon experience the pleasure that comes with owning and riding the bicycle… freedom, excitement, new adventures. He will then remember that the pain was temporary, and it was worth it not to blow the weekly stipend on something that would only provide a fleeting feel-good moment. He learns that the really good things in life are worth the wait.

    One of the reasons for our current worldwide economic debacle is that we (more specifically: Americans) as a society have either forgotten, or never learned, the value of waiting, working and sacrificing. Credit has made that possible. It allows us to experience pleasure first, to get what we want so that we may feel good now – all without the wait. “I’ll work and save later to pay off the bills.” But the opposite side of credit is debt, the long-term pain which quickly squashes that short-lived pleasure.

    Keep in mind, easy credit isn’t to blame for our mess. Without banks and access to capital, there would be no industry, no healthcare system, no global economy. It is simply a tool. Used wisely, it can create great wealth for some, and raise the standard of living for millions. But it is a tool with a tremendous ability to cause both pleasure and pain. It’s all in how you choose to use it.

    Tools and actions either bring you closer to the results you want, or they don’t. What results do you want? Prioritize, and know what you ultimately want to do, have or achieve – and then decide if the action you’re contemplating makes sense:

    • Do you want to fit into that bathing suit next summer? Well good for you, chubs! So put down that donut, push yourself away from the table, and remind yourself of how good you’ll look and feel on the beach next summer once you’ve lost a few pounds.
    • Do you want to be out of debt within the next year? Then stop buying crap you don’t really need and start focusing on how great it will feel when you no longer owe anyone any money.
    • Trying to quit smoking? Stop trying. Just do it. Sure you can. My four pack-a-day father quit cold turkey 30 years ago when the doctor told him he’d be dead in a year if he didn’t. Sure you’ll be irritable and twitchy in the short-term. But long-term, you look and feel great. Otherwise, there may not be a long-term.

    Anything that has the potential to deliver immediate gratification can bite you on the ass when you’re not paying attention. Whether it’s drinking, smoking, gambling, overeating, compulsive shopping, buying a home beyond your means… every short-term pleasure has its long-term price.

    The secret is to be aware of the fact that almost everything we do, we do so we can feel good and avoid pain – for as long as possible. Work through the short-term pain to obtain long-term pleasure. Self-awareness is the key. Teach yourself the value of waiting and to appreciate your sacrifice.

    Donut with BiteIt makes the eventual reward that much sweeter…

    Post image for Do the Yankees <i>really</i> suck? Here’s the truth behind those nasty rumors…

    I grew up in central New Jersey in the ’70’s. As a kid who loved baseball, I had three choices if I wanted to follow a team on TV: the Mets, the Phillies, or the Yankees. The broadcast signal from Philly wasn’t so great, so that ruled them out. The hapless Mets were unwatchable. And the Yankees were in the midst of a resurgence, playing and winning for the first time since the days of Mantle and Maris.

    And then there was what I refer to as “the dirt connection.” Where our new suburban home was constructed, there was once sprawling farmland. If you haven’t heard, there’s nothing like fresh Jersey tomatoes and corn. There’s a reason they call it the Garden State. (There’s more to the state than great beaches, traffic and big hair.) The top soil that had once covered the land where we lived had been stripped away and was rumored to have been trucked off to the Bronx for the new the field in the recently rennovated Yankee Stadium.

    So the decision was a no-brainer. I was a Yankee fan. And I still am.

    Mr. October, Reggie Jackson

    I can't even look at a Reggie Bar

    I remember being eight years old, sneaking out of bed during the ‘77 World Series to watch game six from the hallway floor leading to our family room. I watched with subdued glee (remember, I was in hiding) as Reggie Jackson belted three monstrous home runs in a row, each on the first pitch, leading the Yanks to the Series title. (I also have another Reggie memory, which is of me throwing up from eating too many Reggie Bars, but that’s for another day…)

    So here I am now, 32 years later, basking in the afterglow of last night’s championship victory over the defending champs, the Phillies. After a nine year hiatus, and for the twenty-seventh time, the Yankees are the last ones standing. But this time, my friends and neighbors aren’t happy, as I am currently stranded in Red Sox nation.

    I live in Connecticut, about 75 miles from Boston. As you get closer to New York, you’ll of course find a higher percentage of Yankee fans. But up here, the split is probably 95/5 in favor of the BoSox. And let me tell you, they take the Yankee – Red Sox rivalry very seriously up here. To the point where you have to wonder if there’s a genetic mutation that affects born and bred New Englanders.

    According to some Sox fans, they were jinxed with with 86 years of frustration and heartbreak when the Red Sox sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees after the 1919-1920 season. After the Sox had overcame a 3-0 deficit and beat the Yankees in the American League Championship Series in 2004, they went on to win the World Series and the Curse of the Bambino was finally lifted. They celebrated in New England like, well…, like the Red Sox had finally won the Series. Yankee fans either faced brutally relentless taunting, or simply went into hiding.

    But as a Yankee fan, it didn’t bother me when the Sox finally won. Afterall, we Yankee fans had enjoyed 26 titles up to that point. Sox fans hadn’t seen a championship since the year the Finnish Civil War began and Czechoslovakia declared independence from Austria-Hungary (that’s 1918, for the history-challenged).

    Ben Affleck - Sox Fan Extraordinaire

    Yet another reason not to switch sides

    Despite the fact that Boston won it all in 2004 – and then again in 2007 – I think all those years of losing has altered their DNA and made diehard Red Sox fans a bitter, angry bunch. They secretly, but more often openly, express hatred for the Yankees – and their fans.

    I must confess: I do have serious concerns about these people.

    While I was at a family kiddie party one afternoon in Massachusetts a few years ago, the Sox lost a close one (remember the word “kiddie” – this wasn’t a bachelor party). After the swearing and tantrums had subsided, one of the fathers apparently noticed a hint of joy on my face. When learning the reason I was not equally distraught, he summoned his 4-year-old son.

    Over strolls this little kid wearing an oversized Red Sox hat and shirt, ice cream cake all over his face. His dad looks at him and says, “Now Jimmy, this guy here is a wicked big Yankee fan. What do you have to say about that?”

    “THE YANK-EES SUCK! THE YANK-EES SUCK!”

    “Now that’s my boy!”

    Father and son exchange high fives, and the little mutant confidently wanders off back to his lair, like it was all in a day’s work. Mission complete. While I doubt it was the first time I’d ever been verbally assaulted by a preschooler, I do admit, there was something special about the experience.

    dad-and-boys-at-game

    @ a Yankee/Red Sox Game

    But overall, my family and I do have fun with the rivalry. My wife is a Sox fan, as is our older son, who polarized Daddy when he was two. Our younger son jumped to my defense upon hearing Daddy was terribly outnumbered, and now proudly wears his colors, even in hostile New England territory. I no longer feel so utterly alone.

    But I do understand. It is easy to hate the Yankees, George Steinbrenner, and everything they represent. They have money, influence and the support of a huge fan (and tax) base. But when shipbuilder George bought the Yankees from CBS for a paltry $8.7 million in 1973, he bought a team that was holding on for dear life, a former champion whose glory days seemed to be gone forever.

    Most baseball enthusiasts who are not Yankee fans are crying and screaming about how New York bought a(nother) championship. No doubt, money was spent to bring the trophy home. Big money. But the people who complain about the Yankees are the same ones who would be celebrating if their team’s owner only had enough balls and smarts to raise and risk that kind of insane coin – just to win.

    It was George’s vision and bold action that gradually restored the Yankees to glory, building a multi-billion dollar empire in the process. Yes, mostly thanks to George, payrolls and ticket prices have skyrocketed, and I have to choose between taking my family to a game once a year or contributing to my kids’ college tuition fund (ahhh… screw it, that’s what scholarships are for).

    Baseball is no longer just a game. Long gone is any aura of a national pastime. You can bitch and moan about it. Or you can accept it for what it is: Baseball is big business.

    The owners who are able to hire the best help (managers and players) are able to offer the best product (team) to the marketplace. Fans (the consumers) are willing to pay good money to enjoy a better product (tickets and merchandise and $12 beers) as long as it makes them feel good (winning). If the team wins, the fans feel good, and they will continue to buy the product, thereby inflating the owner’s bank account and allowing him (or her?) to continually improve the product and retain the help (hopefully). Throw in a lot of hard work and a little luck, and you’ve got yourself a winner.

    So the Yankees won the World Series last night. As a Yankee fan, it feels good. All is well in the universe. Things are as they should be. But I know this feeling is fleeting. And in the scheme of things, it means next to nothing – little more than a temporarily pleasant distraction from problems of actual importance.

    Nonetheless… life goes on for a Yankee fan stuck in Red Sox land. I’m just happy I didn’t accidentally go with the Mets.


    Picture credits: Reggie, Affleck @ Fenway, Angry Boston Kid